Dear diary

I can't believe how much effort its taking these days to either update my blog, or log into facebook. I've changed so much these past few months. So much has changed and happened that I have to stop and take a breath at just how fast life is going. I would give my right arm to actually find the motivation to use the (never even tried!) home studio I saved up for and put into storage. I used to love writing music and singing. I always wanted to be appreciated for my music talents more than anything in the world. I did go places, and have been lucky enough in my past to have met some semi famous people, gone to some great places and almosted touched the hand of fame. I at least know what it must be like to be famous even though I never quite reached it.

At the moment I am desperate to loose some weight. I have tried hard to already, but alas, I still struggle to switch off the inner me that comfort eats from morning to night. That is my worst trait these days. I dont drink, well occationally. I do however smoke. I stopped for over a month with the help of the Stop Smoking Clinic who are great. But I foolishly had a stray cigarette and as most people will tell you, one leads to another and so on.

Having felt so bad the other day, the kind doctor has given me 2 weeks worth of patches. I will be stopping on Monday coming. I have learned that simply saying you are going to stop is NOT enough, and that one must MUST wait until your soul is ready. For instance, the last two success stories, have been like this. I have completely had enough of smoking and knew it was all or nothing and thus I stopped. But right at this moment in time I am not 100% commited. So I will give myself a couple of days.
As far as eating is concerned, I intend to plan this properly and find a fill in that will take the place of the food I crave from in truth, feeling low and lacking in self esteme. Its like a vicious circle.

At the moment my little one is at school and spends this weekend with her mum. So I am going to do a bit of painting around the house. A bit of spring cleaning and take the dog for a few long walks.

I'll leave it there as its enough to have actually written something for once. I have just noticed that I can now more or less touch type. I didn't even realise that I wasn't looking at the keyboard. Cool!!


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